I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
