just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
