I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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