yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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