whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
