Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
