its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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