Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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