she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
