My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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