Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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