i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
