Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
