so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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