Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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