Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
