3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
