This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
