There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
