there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
they're like a gay fantastic four
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
