So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
