my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
