no, he came in my armpit
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
