dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
