We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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