Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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