Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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