Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
