You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
