True but thats because hes a fetus.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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