Yo dont text me then not text me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
