On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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