just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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