You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
