she was so not down for the gang bang
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
