someone owes me an orgasm
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
