I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
