he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
