He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
