Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
