If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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