how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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