apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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