The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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