Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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