so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
