He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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