i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
