Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
