i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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